Jananas

I might have been procrastinating a little bit this evening. Text book readings will do that to a girl! We were out of bread and I had picked up some lovely whole wheat bread in the last few weeks, so I thought that I’d try my had at making some bread. We ended up with two loaves of whole wheat bread. We ate half of the first one with some homemade hummus (reference the picture of Jason eating his slice!). There’s something very satisfying about baking your own bread, plus the house smells fantastic.

P.S. the hardcore vegans will likely want to refer to the picture of vegan bread with a giant container of honey in the background as FAIL blog worthy. However, not everyone in the house is vegan (for that matter, neither am I!). It takes all kinds to make the world go round.

My friend Bucket was up visiting over NYE and was enamoured with the hats that I knit. He asked if I could knit him a ridiculous hat. I spent some time mulling over what would be ridiculous, before realizing that I could put all of the scrap yarn from other hat knitting projects to good use. See, a hat generally uses somewhere between 50-75% of a skein of yarn, which leaves me with tonnes of little balls of yarn lying around that are too small for your typical project. I’ve been trying to use some of those odds and ends up, so that I’m not being wasteful.

The mister and I were trying to figure out how to use all the colours up, making a hat that is ridiculous without being hideous. I’d like to think that we achieved our objective pretty well! Its all about the changes between colours. What the picture doesn’t show is that the other ear flap is a jewel blue and that I later added opposite coloured tassels to the ear flaps and a bright pink tassel to the top.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I like two things. Knitting hats and knitting projects that have a sense of humour.

I have 3.5 months left of my MBA. Ive been watching my classmates run around like chickens with their heads cut off: trying to find the perfect job, then trying to find a decent job, then trying to find something. I’ve had classmates who’ve had offers rescinded and others who have been lucky and been in the right place at the right time. There is huge pressure to find something – some had students loans to pay off and the school very definitely wants us to find good jobs so that their rankings don’t slip (any more than they have that is).

I’ve been struggling. I know a lot about what I don’t want to do. I go to a school that is known for producing two things: consultants and investment bankers. I don’t want to be a consultant. There’s an entire diatribe about how much I detest consultants, but for today’s let’s suffice to say that I’ve seen consultants do incredible damage to companies and seen companies let the because consultants must know more than their own staff. I’m not sure if I’m really as bitter as that might have sounded or just very cynical about our over reliance on other people to hold our hands through tough decisions. I also don’t want to be an investment banker.

My father was an executive. He loved his work and was well rewarded for his time, but he missed out on much of my childhood. As much as I might find that corporate-type of work intellectually fascinating & stimulating, I am far from sure if I am willing to give up the majority of my life (and certainly any notion of work-life balance) in a corporate culture that no longer rewards company loyalty. I have spent much of the past two years focusing on personal development and have embraced the balance in my life. I have hobbies and friends and a family that are all very important to me and I don’t want to have to give them up for the sake of a job.

I spent 4 years working full time at the head office of a retail bank. When I started (during my undergrad) it was small, with roughly 30 employees. By the time I left to begin my MBA the company had grown to around 180 employees. During that time I saw the transition from a high energy, entrepreneurial culture to a very corporate, specialized environment. I learned that I didn’t enjoy working in even a smaller corporate environment. My personal views on business are too different to mesh well, and as a result I’m unable to full engage with what I’m doing (and unable to give my company the best, which is a sad state).

Personally, I like being involved in many things. I don’t believe that we can fully help a company if we have a very focused approach. Too much of the bigger picture gets lost and in the long run the business is unable to innovate. And while I fear that it is one of those interview answers that too many people give, I do believe that I have a focus on the big picture, on what the company can become, on planning for 20 or 30 years down the road, and on the customer experience. The challenge is finding a company that I fit into.

Its strange, Rotman pushes the Integrative Thinking concept. I understand how it is easy to be an integrative thinker when one has the authority to make decisions. What I haven’t been able to get an answer to yet, is how can we as new graduates entering the workforce at a junior level use this concept/process to enhance our lives. I’m not sure if I have it in me to spend the next 15 years playing the game before I’m at a level where I can begin to positively influence the future. How as a junior person in an organization that doesn’t listen to its employees can you say “no” or disagree without repercussions.

Further, I am not a dress-up sort of person. I’m uncomfortable in suits. I can’t walk in heels. I dress up well when needed, but I have that terrible feeling of being a little kid playing dress up that distracts me. I have facial piercings which I refuse to remove (after all, they don’t impact the quality of work I’m capable of producing). I’m on my way to having significant tattoo coverage (rather, most of it is easily covered). From an early age I recognized that I have two things in my life that I like equally – corporate life & being modified. I have tried to find balance between the two. I believe that I am on the forefront of a generational change, being one of the first visibly modified workers. Again, this creates a challenge – I need to find a company that is progressive enough to welcome me for my skill set and work capabilities rather than judging me based on my appearance. I don’t understand why I need to choose between who I am and the work I can do.

I’m not entirely sure where I will be in a year. I’m standing at the crossroads. Thankfully I am fortunate enough to have the leisure of time to figure this out. Our current plan is to take the rest of 2009 off, post graduation, to travel. I have enough of a financial cushion at this point that I can and I don’t see the sense of rushing into a job that I don’t want to work if I absolutely don’t need to (it won’t do either me or the company any good). My father supports me (and indirectly us) in this. He tells the story of finishing his MBA on a Friday and starting work the following Monday. And once you are there, it is difficult to take time to explore yourself or the world. I feel like there is some piece of the puzzle that hasn’t quite clicked for me yet and that there is something else other than what Rotman would have me believe is the correct pathway through life.

This feels like it has been a tad disjointed and whingey. That was not my intention. I just wanted to get thoughts out of my head and onto paper, if only to be able to evaluate what really makes sense. And who knows, maybe someone out there on the Interwebs will have some magical piece of advice for me.

I finally finished weaving in all of the ends on my Wicked sweater. I haven’t been able to take it off since. The Malabrigo wears gorgeously and the colour is fantastic. I have some lovely surf blue Malabrigo that I’m going to use to make a second one.

For the first time ever, the PFL Commissioner has granted a rematch to a #1 Contender! That’s right – Carmen Monoxide gets one more shot at Killer Bea’s World Title! After five hard-fought rounds in their last tangle, one judge voted Carmen, one voted Killer – and the third judge called it a DRAW! The resulting sixth and final deciding round saw Killer pin Carmen – but there never should have been a sixth round in the first place….so, let’s see what happens in this return bout! All this plus Pledge fights! Rookie fights! Veteran fights! AND…it is the Commissioner’s birthday! What does he have in store for the League? Come to the show to find out!

Thursday Jan. 15, 2009

WRONGBAR, 1179 Queen Street West, TORONTO

Tickets are $10 in advance or $12 at the door (opens at 9:30pm).