Category Archives: life

Parent Friendly Diaper Changes

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We just got back from a lovely two week trip to Iceland, England, and Scotland. As I find time I’ll do some blog posts about what we did. First though, I’ll write about something that I had noticed and another mom I met at the airport on the way home confirmed – how parent friendly diaper changes were in all countries.

Notice that I sad parent friendly.

My husband is awesome about changing our son’s diaper. He willingly does the majority of the diaper changes when he’s home. In my mind it’s a good division of labour and allows for more equitable parenting – I nurse our son and change diapers during the day, Jason handles the diapers when he’s home.

We often run into problems when we’re out of the house. Jason will go to change a diaper and then come back as the men’s washroom doesn’t have a change table / facilities.

It drives me crazy, because it’s basically having gender roles forced on us because of what facilities are present in the restaurant/coffee shop/gas station. Apparently, only women change diapers in North America! What total BS. What about dad’s that want to be involved? Or single dads? or gay couples?

In the European countries we visited the changing facilities were always in the handicap washroom, which was a third washroom separate from the men and women’s facilities. So either of us could change our son without ever having to think about it.

Once I noticed, I started keeping on eye on baby changing signs. I was curious. At one rest stop in Iceland both the men’s and the women’s facilities had a baby changing graphic. BOTH! At a train station in Bath, the baby changing facility was listed as “Parents with babies”. PARENTS!

Guys, this totally blew my mind. It was so simple and yet so totally progressive. And it makes me kind of sad to have to type progressive, because the idea that men can change a diaper shouldn’t be a game changer. It’s normal and should be supported.

When you’ve traveled, what has your experience been?

Writing your Will as Preparation for Baby’s Arrival

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As I became more and more pregnant, I started to worry more and more about worst case scenarios (in general). The best way for me to not feel worried is to be prepared. And so I did research on local lawyers and dragged my husband along to  get our wills written as preparation for baby’s arrival.

Up until now, it hadn’t seemed like a big idea because things would go to my husband. Adding a child to the mix makes things more difficult, as custody becomes a big issue. Who do you want looking after your children in the event that you aren’t capable? Do they hold the same parenting values? Education values? Will they financially be able to support your child?

Our will was a little more complicated than most due to cross-border issues and tax issues, leading us to go down the path of the creation of trusts if needed. It also meant that we needed to find a lawyer who was well versed in both. Thankfully we live in a large city, so it was pretty easy to find someone who was able to help. It did mean that we had to throw down a fairly large amount of cash so that everything was done to make closing the estate as easy and painless as possible for any surviving loved ones (a major criteria for me).

Major things that we did in our will:

  • Specify who we want our child’s guardian to be
  • Specify setting up trusts, including general principles on spending money to support our child (health, education, living expenses, etc.)
  • Have our lawyers act as executor’s to spare each other/family from having to deal with it
  • Have our investment company manage the trusts as needed (as not all people involved have the knowledge to do so and to ask them to would be unfair)
  • Set up who gets what (disbursements) as an appendix, so that we can change this as needed without having to redo the entire will every time we change our mind about what charities we’re supporting

We also set up powers of attorney for both monetary matters and health. Just to cover our bases and because we were already there. Strangely, I didn’t consider these as ‘important’ as the will, but really could have a much bigger impact on us as they come into play when we are still alive!

We’ve also had conversations about what the other person would want done to their body (cremation vs. burial, where, etc.) so that we’re aware. We both still need to write the actual disbursement sections and we’d add these wishes to this section. But overall, we’re 95% of the way there and for now I’m happy with where we are.

Writing our wills made me feel like an adult. It seemed like a whole different level of responsibility (compared with making sure that bills are paid on time, etc.). And yes, Silas it’s another way of showing that I love and care for you.

Mama Confessions – My Son’s Breath Smells Like Cat Food

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By the time this goes live, our little family will be relaxing at Iceland’s famous Blue Lagoon (hopefully after an easy first flight for Silas!). Normally if I can’t find time for a shower, because little man wants all of the cuddles, it’s not the end of the world. But we’re flying tonight and I don’t want to feel gross or be smelly, so shower time it is.

I put little man down on the bedroom floor with some toys and hopped in the shower. I was almost done when I started hearing banging noises in the bathroom. I was a little confused until I stepped out of the shower and saw this.

1358965504 Mama Confessions My Sons Breath Smells Like Cat Food

The noises were the container being hit against the cupboard. Since Silas was happily playing and we feed the cats good quality grain free cat food I decided to let him keep playing while I got dressed.

3963704421 Mama Confessions My Sons Breath Smells Like Cat Food

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

2160153276 Mama Confessions My Sons Breath Smells Like Cat Food

Mama confession – I watched and took photos as little man ate cat food.

p.s. there’s cat food in our bathroom as we recently took a cat in and we’re in the process of slowly integrating her into the household. Our door’s open to the house now but she doesn’t seem ready to leave and we didn’t want to force integration and then leave for two weeks. So we’re letting it go slowly.

p.p.s. we made the temporary switch to disposables for the trip a few days early as all the cloth diaper laundry had to be done before we left. OMG guys, so much laundry. Also, yay for not leaving that stank to stink up the place for two weeks!

p.p.p.s. this post typed entirely with my left hand due to a sleeping nursling.

10 Tips for Surviving with Newborns

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Here are 10 tips that kept me sane sane and helping make life with a little one easier. I’m sharing these hoping that they might help a sleep deprived parent feel better. As always, they may also be totally wrong for your kid. Do what works for you, as per my post of my Theory of Parenting.

3296823652 10 Tips for Surviving with Newborns

1 – Use Coconut Oil / Olive Oil. We first used this on little man’s bottom. The oil helps keep the meconium from sticking as badly and makes the first first few days of diaper changes easier. We also use it to moisturize post-bath (instead of using a lotion full of chemicals) and for diaper changes (although we have to be a little more careful with our cloth diapers). It’s our go to.

2 – You Don’t Need to Use a Baby Bathtub. We tried ours for the first few baths but it as awkward getting it filled and Silas didn’t really enjoy being in it, as was obvious by all of the screaming. Instead of the baby bathtub I just climbed into the tub and held him, with Papa close by to hand him to me and do the actual washing. Silas was much happier being held close and I could nurse him as needed to comfort him.

3 – Breastfeeding can be Difficult and it Takes TIme to Learn. I needed eighteen arms for the first week – one to support that floppy newborn head, one to support his body, one to hold my boob, one to keep my boobs from smothering my child (I’m a busty lady), and another fourteen to hold SIlas’ arms so that he didn’t keep putting them in front of his mouth right as we tried to latch (omg child!). Turns out that baby’s don’t see very well and use their hands to help find their, which means that the hand in front of the mouth is just them helping to find the nipple. But yet, still frustrating. Papa helped by holding the arms so I could work on the rest. A good swaddle will also help. Also:

a) Watch youtube videos on what a good latch looks like

b) Don’t be afraid to find a lactation consultant (if you’re in Toronto check out Helen at GTA Breastfeeding)

4 – Don’t be Afraid to Turn On a Light. When we were first learning to breastfeed, night feedings were really, really difficult. Especially when you’re supposed to be teaching them about the day/night by keeping the lights dim. Well dim lights meant that I couldn’t see well enough to get a good latch so we all just ended up frustrated and little man was hangry. Seriously, don’t worry about it just turn on the light and get latched. A fed baby is a happy baby and you can worry about the rest a little bit later. Once we got the hang of side-lying nursing we started to use an OXO Candela Zoom which provided enough light to see by/quickly check that Silas was okay while bed-sharing.

5 – Even if you don’t think you’ll go there, Learn How to Safely Co-Sleep. There are going to be nights when OMG all you want is a little bit of sleep and sometimes that ends up with bed sharing or co-sleeping (which is what we do all the time, as this mama likes her sleep and has a little one who won’t sleep on his own and has never wanted to). James McKenna has some great scientific research on co-sleeping and very good safety guidelines.

6 -The 2-3 Week Growth Spurt and Nursing is Kinda Hell. Somewhere between 2-3 weeks, Silas had a cluster feeding growth spurt where he nursed for almost 14 hours straight. Thank goodness for Netflix, full seasons of television shows, and having a large pitcher of water on hand to fill my glass as needed. Around hour 10 I had a minor melt down and Papa took over for an hour. I was so touched out that I needed a break, even if it meant an unhappy little one. Papa walked him around while I napped (if you can call it a nap at 11pm at night). When I woke up I was refreshed enough that I was able to be present and not resentful. It is okay to ask for that break!

7 –  Find Other Moms / Join a Meetup Group. I knew that I’d go totally stir crazy if I didn’t have something to do most days. I found a local meetup group for moms and started going to events. It meant that I didn’t sit on the outside looking in wistfully and wishing that I’d be invited to join. I also made sure to tell every new mom I met in the neighbourhood so that they’d know as well (share the knowledge!). Sometimes I’m a little shocked at the ‘put together’ moms (hair AND makeup!?!), but then I just need to remind myself that they are doing what is important for them to feel like themselves. I just happen to prioritize knitting/spinning time over showering, heh.

8 – It Doesn’t Have to be Expensive. I totally fall prey to the OMG cute baby item, must buy now problem. I try to offset it by finding other things secondhand or on sale. My favorite places to go:

a) Friends! Does someone else have one they don’t need right now? I try to pay this forward by lending out things we no longer need as well.

b) Freecycle – I’ve found lots of clothes, re-usable breastpads, etc. for free. When I’ve gotten big lots and things that we can no longer use, I pass the windfall along to other friends. The big caveat for me is that it has to be a place that I can easily reach and at convenient time, otherwise it isn’t worth it for me.

c) Second hand stores – my favorite local Toronto one is Once Upon a Child. How can you go wrong with $1 per onesie? We also found our nursing pillow and glider there, both at significantly less than retail.

d) Craigslist – we found our gently used stroller with all accessories for way cheaper than a brand new one. I consider this a win! Plus, it allowed me to get a fancier one than we would have been comfortable purchasing brand new. The easiest thing for me was to rss feed my searches so that the information came to me.

 9 – Smartphones / Tablets Help! My smartphone and tablet totally kept me sane during the early days of nursing, when Silas could nurse for 45-60 minutes at a time (including comfort nursing). I could read books via the kobo app and spent a significant amount of time looking at brightly coloured pretty things on pinterest. Especially useful when you final realize that no one else is awake at 3am on a weekday.

10 – Give In.Bend with the changing winds and give in to the flow of the baby. Fighting it will leave you frustrated, as many times there’s not much you can do other than cuddle, nurse, and walk/rock. I found that the times I was frustrated was when I ‘needed’ to do something (read, wanted to). When things didn’t go my way and little man needed me, I’d be mad about not getting to do what I wanted. The major thing that helped was changing my perspective – the less I fought, the happier and calmer I was (as was Silas). What also helped was carving out a little time every day that was 100% just for me so that I could recharge my batteries and do some of the things that made me feel more like me.

Other parents, any other advice or tips and tricks that you’d like to share?

Theory of Parenting

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Here is my scientifically developed, tried and tested Theory of Parenting *(tongue in  cheek, 6 months and a single child does not a theory make!).

Theory of Parenting

 

My Theory of Parenting is that you are doing it right when your reach that sweet spot between a super happy as possible baby and parents that are as sane (and happy) as possible. That’s it.

It’ll look different for each baby and every set of parents. It’ll look different between parents. It’s flexible and fluid. Best of all, there’s no guilt because you’re ‘doing it wrong’.

As more friends become parents this acts as a reminder for me. There is a balance between being respectful of other people’s parenting decisions and tactfully sharing information that you’ve found helpful. I’m still working on it and to my soon to be parent friends, I apologize for the toes I’m going to step on as I hopefully get better at this!